Well, today begins another week. Thank goodness. Last week I was feeling pretty discouraged on the adoption front. I read an excerpt from a book on someone's blog about modern day child slavery in several countries including Haiti making me feel an almost desperation for all the families I know to complete our adoptions. I felt so helpless. Word is there is pretty much a freeze in IBESR on families with biological children. Our file has yet to even make it to IBESR for another week.

A year ago I had the naive impression that if we could get the money together that was the hard part. That was our obstacle. International adoption was something I have always dreamed of doing. I thought that we would do all the crazy paperchasing: a homestudy, psychological, physical exams for 6, fingerprints here and for the I600A, and all the rest...... wait, maybe a year at the most, and bring home our little girl. Our family would be complete at last. We would have helped a family give their little girl the life they could not and we would be blessed to share that child's life forever.

It's much more complicated than that. I am reminded about when I wanted to get pregnant. I had had a recent unplanned surprise pregnancy of twins. Unfortunately, I miscarried a month apart and lost both. I realized then I desperately wanted to experience pregnancy and childbirth. For a year and a half we "tried" to get pregnant. I could not make it happen.

I pray daily for Baby Girl N, Marie - the director, the Haitian officials, all the families I know in the process, all the little girls we were referred and lost. I pray and I cry and I plead with God to work all of it out.

By Friday I just felt overwhelmed.

I just started to pray again out of my frustration. I know I serve a big God who can do the impossible. I have no doubts about that. As I prayed I felt a scripture was dropped into my spirit. I grabbed up my bible to look it up." Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you." declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Okay. I can't explain the peace I felt after reading that. I needed that reminder that He has a plan for my life. I tell my kids that often about them and I believe it. I just needed my heavenly father to remind me that He hears all these prayers and pleadings. He loves me and wants to bless me. He sees the whole picture.

I still don't have any answers about our adoption. I know that we have done all we can to make this happen. We are available - our home, our time, our finances, our love. We are willing vessels. No matter what happens, we can honestly say we tried to make a difference. We took the chance.