Waiting...

I read so many blogs of people who are adopting from Haiti and waiting and waiting and waiting. We are in the same situation.

January '07 we heard a story of adoption from a friend of ours. She told of the difficult life these people endure in Haiti. Until then, I had not really thought much about Haiti. Honestly, if asked I probably could have told you very, very little about this little country. Our friend told the story of the children she hoped to adopt. We were so touched that S actually suggested we might want to consider adopting "that little girl" I still felt was supposed to be a part of our family. S is rarely impulsive so while he said that we spent another month praying and waiting for guidance.

February '07 we agreed that adoption was a good thing and that God had given us peace to move forward with this. I felt an urgency to get moving with all the paperwork. A beautiful little girl with a fiesty attitude and dark circles under her eyes was brought to the O.

March 1,'07 we committed to this little sweetheart. The urgency grew. We had our homestudy done and all the other paper work underway.

April '07 my friend told me she was planning to visit with many of the other adopting moms on our support group for Mother's Day. S asked if I wanted to go so reservations were made. I was pleasantly surprised when a good friend asked if she could go too.

May '07 We flew to Haiti and met some of the most interesting incredible women and our precious little Kaflaure. I felt an instant connection. I loved this child with a love that did not come from me but God. It was an emotional week-one that will live on in my heart and mind forever. I loved, hugged, kissed and prayed for that little girl. Then I told her goodbye. The urgency inside was even stronger.

June '07 our dossier finally was ready to go to Haiti. Now I had to do was wait for our little one to become ours and come home. Right?

July '07 news came that our little girl was Hep b positive. We were sad and concerned. We educated ourselves and requested more tests per our doctor's advice. The birth mom panicked upon finding out she herself might have Hep b and took our little girl away.

August - October '07 we went through the referrals of 2 more precious little ones. Each had severe medical issues and could not follow through with the adoption.

November '07 I received pictures of a beautiful little girl with such a lost expression in her eyes that I knew I had to try to make a difference in her life.

December '07- Feb '08 the O director and lawyers worked on our paperwork.

Feb '07 we entered IBESR. Many people had been stuck for long months in this "phase".
We exited in a day less than 4 months.What a blessing!

Communication is not easy so I am not sure when we moved into and out of the other legal phases. No dates of entry or exit. All I know is that we were recently told we are in MOI. We are in the latter part of our adoption. N is legally our daughter.

Well we are still waiting with reports that this phase is extremely long and frustrating. Honestly, it's been like that from the beginning of the process. Nineteen months later we are still waiting.

What happened to the urgency that was almost overwhelming? Somewhere along the way the feeling weakened. Maybe it happened when we kept losing referrals. Maybe our little girl coming home turned into more of a distant dream instead of reality. Maybe I built a wall around my heart and emotions. I've become numb. Maybe it's not as strong because I have never met this precious life who is now our daughter. She is still a picture on paper who I know so very little about.

I know that I know that I have given this adoption to my Lord and Savior. He knows N and our family. He knows exactly where our file is. His timing is not my timing.

The kids and I have been reading in our devotion about the Israelites after leaving Eygpt:
When Pharaoh let the people go, God led them not by way of the land of the Philistines, although that was nearer; for God said, Lest the people change their purpose when they see war and return to Egypt.
Exodus 13:17

The author of our devotion says this: "Sometimes God leads us the hard way instead of the easy way, because He is doing a work in us. How will we ever learn to lean on Him if everything in our lives is so easy that we can handle it by ourselves?

God led the children of Israel the long hard way because they were still cowards, and He had to do a work in them to prepare them for the battles they would face in the Promise Land.
Most people think that entering the Promised Land means no more battles......but they fought one battle after another. But they won all those battles fought in God's strength and under His direction."

Okay. This adoption has been a long hard journey. God - I will try not to complain and murmur. You know what strength we need to love and raise this child. Teach us what we need to know so that when we get to the promised land and N is home in our arms, we will be prepared to be the family she needs. Amen.