Where I Am

As most of you can tell that check up on my blog, I have not been very consistent for quite some time now. It's not that I don't have computer time on a regular basis - I do, but that time is usually spent checking my emails or reading other blogs.

When I started my blog, I wanted to chronicle our adoption journey but also to share a little about our family life. Not that we do anything that's so exciting or extraordinary. It's just that I have so many blogs that I enjoy reading like my "adopting from Haiti" blogs, adopting from other countries, large families, farm life, homeschooling families, etc. I just thought it would be fun for people to see a little into our everyday life.

I am totally loosing enthusiasm for my blog. It's a daily reminder that N is still not home. I'm in a place that so many are that are involved in an extremely long and drawn-out Haitian adoption. I am weary.

I feel I may suffocate or explode if there is not relief in site.

The good part is - we are at the end, whatever that may mean. We are waiting on I-600 approval. Unfortunately, several families I am aware of have been there for really long periods of time - like many months.

I want to be patient. I truly believe that God is in control of our adoption. I believe N is coming home. I believe that God knows the day. But... but it is sooo hard.

I know I'm not the only one suffering. That's why I have tried not to vent too much here.

On the plus side, I've gotten to know some incredible ladies who are personally sharing the same pain. Some I've met, some I've only spoken with by phone or online. They encourage me with their progress or put into words what I feel about the anger and frustrations at the process. They make this wait kind of worth it.

Sometimes, I wonder if I would have gone down this road if I had known how long and difficult it would be. I don't know if I would have realised how it would so consume my thoughts. International adoption has been in my heart since childhood. This timeline scenario was just not supposed to be a part of it.

Adoption is not easy - neither is pregnancy/childbirth. I've been blessed with both.

We all keep saying " when N comes home......" I don't even mind when someone asks what's up with our adoption. Talking about her makes her homecoming seem more real. I just keep clinging to the thought that once she is home, the pain of waiting will fade away.

But I live in the now and the wait is heavy on my heart.

So that's where I am.